Now here is a topic I never saw myself writing about!

But here we are-baby number four turns one year old on Sunday!!! And yayyyyy! We actually breastfed for twelve months! We hit the goal! I am so. excited. about. this! Not only did we hit the goal but....we aren't stopping yet. I know! As crunchy as I can be I have never been super passionate about breastfeeding. Just haven't. But here we are and baby is not ready to stop and while most days I *am* she clearly isn't. And that is ok. I have done a *bunch* of reading on the topic and feel better and better about it. The hard part actually has been what other people think about it. Unfortunately the American majority for myriad reasons  is grossed out by breastfeeding. I think it is especially sad for the Christian culture that should recognize that God created women to breastfeed their babies and that it is healthy, nourishing and part of His plan.

**Before I go any further though I should point out that while I am about to get soap-boxey up in here (gosh, my blog has been like that lately!) I am NOT judging formula feeding mothers. My first three babies were all formula fed at some point! My beef is not with you mothers, rather the culture that does not value God's order, the companies that look to profit, the hospitals, doctors and stores that throw formula at you at every turn and generally don't encourage bfing and the society that has gone so far down this road of packaged, processed food that we think formula is just as good as breast milk. And I will say also that there are legitimate reasons for not being able to bfeed. Again, I am not trying to shame any mothers. Just encourage and inform and hopefully change our culture and churches in this area. I hope before you stop you would seek help with a Le Leche League Professional-there may be a very easy fix to the problem you are having! And if not, I hope you will research commercial formulas and homemade formulas both. :) **



Anyhow, there are a bajillion misconceptions about breastfeeding  (is it sexual? is it necessary past the first few months? why not just use formula? etc) Until rather recently, I used to think several of them myself!
I think this article explains away many of them quite nicely! Check it out!


And this article is about the science of breast milk  It is AMAZING! The things they are finding about breast milk and allllll the things that are still a mystery to us are phenomenal! The author credits evolution rather consistently which is why I haven't shared it on facebook but I find it stunning how God created my body to make such a miraculous substance in such a miraculous way! It is just so cool!


My mom and aunt have always been staunch breast feeders when their own generation had widely dismissed it. Even still with their examples and encouragement I got caught up in the culture that has declared breastfeeding to be weird and unnecessary. I started out breastfeeding each of my kids believing it to be the best way, but until baby number four it didn't last very long.

With my first two daughters, before I had gone through my counseling and healing and such I *hated* breastfeeding. HATED it. It felt rather like I was being sexually abused all over again. I should clarify that what made me feel like that was the feeling of no control over my body, and that my body was being used whether I liked it or not apart from me, a person. NOT because of anything actually sexual. Since there is really *nothing* sexual about breastfeeding. (If you will remember, your primary sexual organs also have other jobs that are certainly not sexual. Same idea applies to breastfeeding. ;) Bfing my first lasted only three-four months because I got pregnant with number two and didn't know it. Bfing that sweet baby lasted a month or so more but I really hated it for most of that time. Bfing number three (after the counseling and such) I LOVED!!! I just loved it! I loved having an excuse to cuddle my sweet son and do nothing else. I loved how happy it made him and I loved the ease compared to bottles and formula and heating and carrying it everywhere, etc. But then we got thrush. And we passed it back and forth from his mouth to my bosoms (as we rather mockingly refer to them in my house ;) and WOW does that hurt. We tried allll kinds of things from what the doctor gave us to the limited crunchy remedies I could find and nothing worked permanently. We very sadly switched to formula after several months.

I wish I would have known what I know now about how the birth experience affects breastfeeding! I wish I would have asked for more help and support from my breastfeeding friends and family and I wish I would have been supported by the medical professionals we saw, the community in general and especially Christendom. :)

Check out this article on bfing and Judaism! The Jewish laws regarding bfing are really interesting and again, I wish Christianity would take it this seriously and recognize it as something so special.

A Tale of Two Rooms:
In the past few months I have been in a couple of different churches. Two of them had "nursing rooms" which I thought was cool. It is definitely nice to have a place to take baby when she is noisy or not feeling well or like the case of my baby currently, gets very impatient while I am getting ready to nurse and she gets rowdy which is distracting for the others around us. Anyhow, I explored both rooms and felt they were quite different. One room made me feel like they valued nursing mothers with everything in the room from the really comfy rockers to the decorations, to the lighting, to the changing table in there, to the tv that displayed what was happening in the service so the mother could still take part. I LOVED this room that was so comfy and peaceful and honestly never wanted to leave.
The other room made me feel as though that church was ashamed of their nursing mothers. Truly. From the furnishings, to the well...everything else, it seemed like this room was a corner for mothers to be shamed and not allowed to participate in the service. Now I really believe this is not their intent! And again, I think it is great that a room is even there if a mom needs one. But I sure did not use that room when I was there.

We need Christianity at least to get back to the fact that breastfeeding is normal. Kids should not have to ask what that mom is doing with their baby, they should know because it should be that normal. Christian men and women should not be offended by breastfeeding because it is how God created women to provide for their baby. Just because the culture oversexualizes everything doesn't mean we have to, right? Isn't that one of the major callings of the  Christian life? Being different than the culture? Doing things the way God created us to? Now, I should clarify here that I am not advocating for uncovered bfing in public. Men are visual and prefer breasts sexually. Since we don't (or shouldn't) show them off when we aren't bfing we also shouldn't simply because a baby is attached. I understand a little of men's struggle with lust and don't want to cause any men in my life to stumble. :) When I am with a woman or two, I take less care to cover...because really we all have the same parts and even then, I don't let anything just hang out. These fabulous bosoms belong to Chase. For the rest. of. his. life. lol. For some reason that makes me laugh. ;)



Breastfeeding for me, like so many other parts of motherhood, is a serious exercise in selflessness. Sure, there are parts I enjoy and will miss when she is no longer nursing. But many times, it is work.
~While there are plenty of women that lose all their baby weight when they nurse I am not one of them. I hold onto almost everything and when I try to work out and maybe lose a few pounds I actually gain some! Yeah. So not cool. I am dying to get fit and slide into my regular clothes and wear one of my favorite dresses to church but it is not to be for right now. And it is ok.
~Since this particular baby is verrrrrrry slowwwwwly transitioning to real food we nurse a LOT. I really wish I could work on my house more and cook more and do pretty much anything other than have a person attached to me for a big majority of the day and night. But that is not to be right now. That is ok.
~Did you catch that I said night too? Yeah. She, me and Captain Awesome in our full-sized bed, nursing through most of the night. You can bet I would really love to have my own space and un-interrupted sleep again but it is not to be for right now. And it is ok.

It is ok, because I love my daughter. It is ok because this is the best thing for her! And it is ok because even though it is inconvenient, this stage is still short! Part of motherhood is learning to put another's needs ahead of our own so I am trying to keep in mind that like marriage, bfing might just be designed to make us holy more than happy. :) (Although like marriage there is plenty of happy too! Don't want to bum you out on bfing  and make you think it is all doom and gloom! I love it and would choose it again!)


**What do you think? Have your views changed over the years of having babies? What do you wish someone told you about bfing?**

We visited Arizona a few weeks ago for Grandpa Ward's Memorial Service. :) It was bittersweet of course to say goodbye for now but visiting with family was so nice. :) 

On Sunday morning we drove up to Show Low (our old stomping grounds) to visit our old church home. Yay! Pastor Steve (one of my honorary Dads) was not there and I missed getting to hear him preach (they were on a missions trip in Mexico) but we heard a good sermon from Pastor Dan, the family pastor who came on staff after we left. :) He spoke on the book of Ruth which is hard to put in one sermon but he did a good job and I so appreciate a sermon where there is much Scripture involved and teaching on the original language, the customs of the day and a deep application for how this should change my life. All so important. :)

Anyhow, something struck me during that sermon in a new way (God's Word is awesome like that.)

Lately I have heard several people express their disappointment with God that something in their life was bad or hard- not what they wanted and not what they expected. It was messy, it was awful and they felt like it slipped through and God hadn't noticed, or He was picking on them for some reason. 

Just like Naomi in the book of Ruth! If you aren't familiar with it, it is a quick easy read! Go read it!

 I will wait. :)

Ok, so did you catch what Naomi said? Her family moved to a pagan land because their was a famine in their own country. While they were there her husband died. Her sons married outside of the faith and then they died. Naomi then declared that the "hand of the Lord has gone out against me." (Ruth 1:13) She asked her daughters in law to return to their own homes since she was going back to Bethlehem where she belonged and could not provide them with more husbands (as was the custom of the day for the protection of the women.) The rest of the story of Ruth is fabulous as we see a young widow cling to her mother-in-law and beg to go with her and says, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.” (Ruth 1:16-17)

Naomi allows Ruth to return with her and they both experience the grace and provision of God and a new and godly husband for Ruth! Ruth then becomes the Great-Grandma of King David and is found in the lineage of Christ! Not bad for a poor, pagan widow, right??? I love that there is none too lost or small or wayward for our Lord to reach down, touch with grace and make part of His kingdom.  :)

Anyhow, back to my original point. Naomi makes several statements about the Lord's mistreatment of her before God works it all out before their eyes. Not only does she say that the Lord's hand was against her. (Which Pastor Dan said the original language says it is more like pressing down on her than simply against her. She had lost everything. Her husband, her sons, her provision and protection. Pastor Dan pointed out that a widow then was not like a widow now in America but like what you would see in third-world countries. She had nothing. No way to provide for herself and no one to protect her. Nothing. 

She told the people of her home when she returned that "the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. 21 I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?” (Ruth 1:20-21) 

This is the part where I get on my soapbox. I am tired of hearing people disparage the Lord because they are experiencing the consequences of their own actions. There. I said it. Now to be fair, we don't know for sure that the deaths of Naomi's husband and sons was because of their decision to move outside of God's will and move in with godless communities. Perhaps they would have died all the same in Bethlehem had they stayed we don't know for sure. But I am inclined to believe that the premature death of her sons had something to do with the culture they were living in.

Are there times of "famine" in the life of a Christian whether financially, spiritually, physically, emotionally, or relationally? Absolutely! God even ordains them at times for our own long-term well-being! But is it ever ok to abandon what the Lord has for us (living in Bethlehem through the famine) and decide to go the way of the world and what seems to be working for the culture that knows not God? NO. 

And just so you know, I am speaking to my own heart too as I stand here on this soapbox. We *cannot* shake our fists at the Lord and ask Him where He was when WE CHOSE sin over what He had for us. They are just consequences.

Did you see those major warning signs about that man before you married him? 

Did you ask the Lord what He thought? 

Did you maybe think you knew better than God and the wise counselors around you? 

Did you marry him anyway? 

You chose, Girlfriend!

Did you listen when someone shared with you how to be a better friend so you wouldn't be lonely? 

Did you take it to heart or did you remain selfish, back-biting and thus lonely? 

You chose, Girlfriend!

Did you decide that the culture knew better than God's very Word and had sex with someone you were not married to? 

Are you reaping the consequences of that by experiencing single motherhood, std's, guilt, and/or problems with your spouse? 

You chose, Girlfriend!

Did you decide that in spite of what the Bible says about respecting your husband you are going to constantly belittle him at home and in public? 

Do you really have to wonder why he doesn't act loving toward you or doesn't try to change to be better? 

You chose, Girlfriend!

Did you decide to leave the raising of your children to church, school and media?

Do you like how they are turning out?

You chose, Girlfriend!

**So please, if we are frustrated with God let's calm down a second and seek to discover who is really at fault for the way things are in our lives.**

Now, sometimes God does allow things to happen in our lives for our own good and for His glory and in that case while He can definitely handle it when we get angry with Him and ask why, at some point we need to remember that He is Sovereign. He sees the big picture. His thoughts are not our thoughts and neither are His ways our ways. And we need to even thank Him and praise Him for those times eventually (the sooner the better!) God is not mean and vengeful without cause. 

However, if we have looked honestly at the situation, I think more often than not we are reaping the consequences of some sinful behavior on our part. The amazing, incomprehensible news is that there is grace and forgiveness for us when we pull our fists out of the sky and repent! He does not enjoy seeing us struggle through the muck and mire (Psalm 69:2) and fall into pit after pit. (Psalm 30:3) No. He longs to restore us, (Psalm 80:19) heal us, (Deuteronomy 32:39) forgive us, (2 Chronicles 7:14) set our feet on the rock, (Psalm 40:2) put a new song in our hearts, (Psalm 40:3)  make our faces radiant and unashamed, (Psalm 34:5) light our path, (Psalm 119:105) set us soaring like eagles, (Isaiah 40:31) make us strong, (Zechariah 10:12) help us to stand firm in truth, and arm us with everything we need to remain true to what He has planned for us. (Ephesians 6:10-18) He even wants to restore what we lost. (Joel 2:25)

Amazing, no??? So if this truth struck a chord with you join me in repenting, asking the Lord to forgive us; help us to learn from this so we do not repeat it; give us grace; and help to do what we can to right the wrong.

He can heal our marriages, our hearts, our children and be everything we could possible need. He is miraculous and bigger than we can begin to imagine. Let's allow Him to do so in our lives, shall we? :)

The end of Naomi's story though is interesting. She admits "the Lord, whose kindness has not forsaken the living or the dead!” But I find the end of the book puzzling:

Ruth 4: 13-17 says: 

So Boaz took Ruth, and she became his wife. And he went in to her, and the Lord gave her conception, and she bore a son. 14 Then the women said to Naomi, “Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without a redeemer, and may his name be renowned in Israel! 15 He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age, for your daughter-in-law who loves you, who is more to you than seven sons, has given birth to him.” 16 Then Naomi took the child and laid him on her lap and became his nurse. 17 And the women of the neighborhood gave him a name, saying, “A son has been born to Naomi.” They named him Obed. He was the father of Jesse, the father of David.

So even after the Lord provided for her and continued the family line, she never admitted really to God's faithfulness? She needed the women around her to tell her how the Lord had been faithful through it all? She was so bold and bitter to proclaim how the Lord had hurt her and yet we see that hadn't really been washed off. Oh that we would not be so blinded and bitter!!! 

Girlfriend, let us choose differently!!!